![]() ![]() Kubrick, a doctor’s son from the Bronx who got his start as a photographer for Look, was turning forty that year, and his rise in Hollywood had left him hungry to make extravagant films on his own terms. The after-party at the Plaza was “a room full of drinks and men and tension,” according to Kubrick’s wife, Christiane. Clarke, Kubrick’s collaborator, was in tears at intermission. Kubrick nervously shuttled between his seat in the front row and the projection booth, where he tweaked the sound and the focus. A sixth of the New York première’s audience walked right out, including several executives from M-G-M. In the annals of audience restlessness, these evenings rival the opening night of Stravinsky’s “Rite of Spring,” in 1913, when Parisians in osprey and tails reportedly brandished their canes and pelted the dancers with objects. To hear more feature stories, download the Audm app for your iPhone.įifty years ago this spring, Stanley Kubrick’s confounding sci-fi masterpiece, “ 2001: A Space Odyssey,” had its premières across the country. I got to thinking: Maybe I could edit this movie down to something a little more digestible for those who love space and hate orchestra music. I’m not saying it was a bad movie, but it could have been better if it was shorter and the soundtrack wasn’t so wack. There are more words in this review than the entire script. It takes like three hours, and the entire thing is just orchestra music. He gets dropped off outside earth, and that’s it. The main dude either dies or goes to this weird dimension where God locks him in my grandmother’s bedroom and Benjamin Buttons him until he turns into a baby. It reminded me of that scene in Spaceballs when they go to plaid. The special affects are really beautiful. This might be a critique on our consumer based culture. So the last guy gets revenge, but then that’s not really important anymore because he goes flying through space chasing after the iPhone. For a smart computer, he should have known that. What was his plan, to just fly around in space and get the whole ship to himself? He was going to run out of gas sooner or later and have to come back to earth. ![]() I’m not sure why Hal wanted to murder everybody. He hits one of them with a big ass metal thing while they are outside the ship dicking around. There are these two dudes left, best friends. He starts killing some cryosleeping extras and then moves on to killing the main characters. On the way to deeper space, Hal spazzes out for reasons I forgot because this was a super long movie. All of a sudden these new guys are on a spaceship ruled by a robot named Hal. They dig up an iPhone under some moon rocks and then the plot really heats up. The next thing you know this other dude we never saw before is on a spaceship going to space. So… they’re trying to tell us we are all just monkeys worshiping Apple? I learned all I needed to know about space from Neil deGrasse Tyson memes. I’m obsessed with space for all the wrong reasons. If I can’t make it back, I’m prepared to float off into that eternal sleep, careening into unfathomable blackness, drifting away from humanity, passed out on the cold, unforgiving floor of the universe. Do my thrusters have enough power to take me back to planet Couch X349? I hope so. I’m going to need another bottle of liquid oxygen. The seal is broken, and as the door swings wide, the darkness that I’m suspended in becomes illuminated by a bright, white light. Through my space helmet, I’ve made visual contact with the air lock. ![]() The sporadic hissing noises coming out of my mouth are the bursting of thrusters, propelling me down my dark hallway. One man’s safety device is another man’s pretend space helmet. ![]() I bought a motorcycle helmet at a garage sale, and I don’t own a motorcycle. It’s true space is basically a giant vacuum ![]()
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